There is a Jewish song/prayer that is sung at the Passover Seder: Dayenu. Enough. Basically, it goes like this: If G-d had only divided the sea for us, it would have been enough. (But G-d did more.) And each stanza builds on that...If G-d had only given us the Torah, it would have been enough.
I like to keep a pretty positive perspective, when I can. And even though I'm happy today--we are trying something new and so far, I see good results--I can't help thinking that there's another side of the poem Dayenu. Enough, already! I've had enough. Basta!
My new version goes like this:
If my child were 'merely' tic-ing, that would be enough.
If my child had only OCD, that would be enough.
If my child had just depression, that would be enough.
If my child had only suicidal depression, that would be enough.
If my child only threatened to kill himself once, that would be enough.
If my child only had occasional temper tantrums, that would be enough.
If my child only had occasional rages, that would be enough.
If my child only had loss of reading ability, that would be enough.
If my child only had loss of handwriting skills, that would be enough.
If my child only had loss of mathemetics facts, that would be enough.
If my child only had processing problems, that would be enough.
If my child only had sudden expressive language issues, that would be enough.
If my child only had visual/spatial issues, that would be enough.
If my child only had separation anxiety, that would be enough.
If my child only had aches and pains, that would be enough.
If my child only had PANDAS, that would be enough.
If my child only had Lyme Disease, that would be enough.
Why the heck does my child have it all? And what do I tell him about G-d when he asks how G-d could permit this? Why do bad things happen to our children?
Now, start singing that happy tune: "Di-Di-anu...."
If my child only had sweetness, that would be enough.
If my child only had strength of character, that would be enough.
If my child only had the intelligence to keep it together in front of everyone else in the world, that would be enough.
If my child only had the athletic ability to continue playing sports when he feels ok, that would be enough.
If my child only had the love inside to let us know how he appreciates our help when he's able to communicate this, that would be enough.
If my child only had the arms to hug, that would be enough.
If my child only had those big brown eyes that teared up as he implored me for help, that would be enough.
Enough. We do all we can do to help our children. But it's not yet enough.