I was bred to be a skeptic of the "paranormal" as my son calls it. Never truly believed in psychics. Sure, the whole idea fascinates me, but for every remarkable story about a psychic finding a missing person/body, there's a story about a hoax. Anyway, I was taught that everything can be explained by science.
Perhaps my parents just wanted to soothe my worried soul. After all, I was the one who, even at 19, called home upset because I'd been to a friend's house and heard a late-night "true" ghost story. I had to sleep under a heavy blanket the following night, despite it being a 90 degree summer with no air conditioning in the house I was sharing with three other students in Worcester, MA.
If psychics don't exist, how did Tracy D., Empath nail the fact that my son has a sinus infection?
Tracy's my friend. I spoke with her last weekend by telephone, from several states away while she read Tarot cards. She tells me that she has been psychic from a very early age and she has stories to prove it. I have to believe her because she's my friend Tracy--a compassionate, creative, loving person who gives so much to the PANDAS community and her children. But I didn't really BELIEVE.
Until now.
Tracy tells me that she can sense when a friend's nonverbal, diabetic son is low in sugar and will telephone that friend. She's accurate a good percentage of the time with all her calls. She also says she can teach anyone to be more open to receiving messages. She says that if you go to 5 "psychics" or empaths, you should get the same reading each time. But events are open to change since people have free will. Hmmm. Not so sure I want to be open to receiving messages.
But, considering the stuff I've lived through, maybe that's not so bad.
My son and I discussed this on the way back from the doctor's office this week. He is 12 and totally believes that we all have some type of guardian angel and that there are spirits. That's cool. Shivery cool.
What kind of energy surrounds us? What is out there that we cannot see or fathom?
I'll tell you what makes it hard for me to believe in G-d and guardian angels: the extent of suffering I see. The Holocaust, where people were tortured, beaten, starved and then died. Rwanda. Our children who have PANDAS and are losing their childhoods.
Buddhists believe that suffering is part of life. Jews have suffered for centuries, as my Catholic friend pointed out.
Perhaps I need to study Buddhism. When I have time, after my child recovers, I'll study it. When I'm no longer researching immunology and neurology, I'll take care of my own soul. When I'm no longer miserable, I'll have time to figure out how to not be so miserable. I'm trying to joke here...haha.
Either way, there's some kind of energy that surrounds us. Some kind of energy out there in place. It had been said that there is power in prayer--in many people praying/thinking/sending silent love for one person.
My son tells me that Joseph (as of Joseph and The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat) was the first psychic, dreaming of events to occur. He dreamt that there would be seven years of riches, then seven years of draught.
Well, that sounds familiar. I think we're in the seven years of Job right now.
And despite me quoting Biblical stories, despite me being unable to write out the name G-d, I don't really believe. I want to, oh, I do.
The energy that keeps me going is the positivity that I find in people. Yesterday, a group of us PANDAS families met to go ice-skating. The children accept each other and enjoy each other in a way that they wouldn't with other kids. They're all going through the same thing. Some have tics, some are hyper, some are silly, some are quiet. They are learning to look beyond the surface, beyond the symptoms and to value the person underneath, or the person who is struggling to emerge from the deluge of symptoms. I have to say that there's this innate love for one another and it's beautiful.
I see guardian angels all around me. When I was 31, I went to Italy for ten days by myself. Every day, I met someone with whom I would spend time, or someone to walk me to my next location. A mom and two adult daughters who adopted me for the day in Sienna. I felt that someone, something was taking care of me. Of course, that was in the seven or so years of riches.
Too many days now, I feel alone, except for the other parents who experience the same thing as we do. I wish I whole-heartedly believed that all would be better someday. But I do not. I was taught to be skeptical. Realistic. Scientific. But science doesn't yet have many answers for PANDAS/PANS or Lyme Disease.
Then again, at this point in time, many doctors argue that PANDAS and Lyme require clinical diagnoses. The scientific definition for both these disease are way too narrow.
There is a lot of anecdotal evidence in favor of outside forces, energy, psychic abilities, recovery through belief and more. I shouldn't discount it.
For today, I know that Tracy D, Empath, diagnosed my son correctly, using Tarot cards, from another state. And having a little help can go a long way. There's a lot more to this world than I ever before accepted. It's time to start believing.