Gratitude List: Thanksgiving 2019

Thanksgiving...gratitude...what the hell do I have to be grateful for? 

Sometimes I do feel like that and sometimes I'm just a little snappy because my MacBook Pro is old and the screen is getting fuzzy to my eyes and it's late; I just came back from picking up a teen from a friend's house. But it's Thanksgiving holiday and I don't have to set an alarm for four days.

So that's  #1: not having to set an alarm for four days.

#2 I'm grateful that I don't have a cold and can breathe in from both sides of my nose. A few weeks ago, a virus ran right over me, knocking me into my bed for more days than is healthy. I'm very much appreciating not being sick. Because when I was ill, I reminded myself-pinched myself-that I better be aware when I can breathe again at night. 

#3 I'm grateful that I can walk. Without pain. Without knowing where my right hip connects to my back bones. 

#4 I'm grateful that I don't feel like my head is bouncing around on my neck while I walk. This Lyme symptom was sent back into the dark depths from which it came (with Lyme treatment). Yay for antibiotics!

#5 I'm grateful for (cue the violins) love. That sounds so darn corny, doesn't it? But, get this: Love = hugs = oxytocin = good feelings. So even when I don't feel the love, because the kids are being biatches in one way or another (and I do believe I can say that about teens), I hug them. For 20 seconds or longer. And I try to push my positive love/spirit into them with my hug. Light and love and all that. But then they do something nice for me like take care of the dead rodent that got encrusted to the floor of our basement, and I'm suddenly like, they are so damn sweet!

#6 I'm grateful for my husband. Oh, we've been through a lot together, as have most parents in our position, and I am thankful that we can enjoy each other's company and support each other. He still makes me laugh. Stupid stuff a lot (shhh!) but he does. And I make him roll his eyes. So there. He encourages me to find my dreams and pursue them. He starts my car on cold mornings for me. 

#7 I'm grateful for the canines in my life, and I don't mean just the dogs. My teeth are important too! But the dogs give me their unconditional love (my teeth don't, unfortunately.) Both require trips to the doctor, and daily maintenance, but it's the puppy who wants to sleep with me and the older dog who jumps up from the sofa to welcome me home after a day of work. 

#8 I'm grateful for my friends. I will survive because of friends. My friends are gems, diamonds. Rare and treasured. Let your friends know how important they are. Some friends are chosen family. Others are friendly, positive forces who enlargen my life. 

#9 I'm grateful for my G-dmother. A friend who became family. She's so awesome. She's an octogenarian and my role model. Walks every day. Is having her living room re-painted because she wants a change. Is always so happy to see me. She gives me those oxytocin-hugs. And listens to everything if I need to talk.

#10 I'm grateful for the advocacy efforts that so many people in our circles, including some of my good friends, are pursuing. We are trying to make change. We are working to make change. We are making change. Do or do not, Yoda said, there is no try. Well, we are doing. And doing. Small steps, but hopefully someday we'll be walkin' out that door. 

#11 I'm grateful for bicycling. Because I can push myself, even with fatigue that robs my brain of cells. I'm stronger than ever (well, in the last few years) and I love love love my Italian-made bicycle although I wish it were lighter and faster and I really want to up my game. Now my daughter is joining me on rides--win-win! What do you do when you're full of angst? Bicycle! 

#12 I'm grateful for PANSLIFE. Which has connected me to the world, and with so many amazing people. Over 5,000 followers on PANSLIFE FaceBook now--wow! Didn't see that one coming when I started it a few years ago. Lots of people dealing with these issues, it seems. And that ain't good. But we support each other.

#13 I'm grateful for LymeLight Foundation grants. We're still working it, but couldn't have saved my kids without this gift.

#14 I'm grateful for doctors who care enough to challenge the system. Doctors who treat. Doctors who will write medical exemptions. Even though NY won't accept medical exemptions written by out-of-state doctors. I'm grateful for medical professionals who have more integrity in their pinkies than the DOH and the CDC has in...well, you get the idea.

#15 I'm grateful for politicians who aren't bought by Big Pharma! Oh yes, baby, so grateful for those people! Need more of them. I'm grateful for Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. who is fighting for rights.

#16 I'm grateful for music which has been a running theme throughout my life, from my early years when my mother blasted classical music and musical theater records to my adult years when I sang musical theater and opera and now to my kids being musicians (my son's band is taking off!) and to me trying to find my musical side again. 

#17 I'm grateful for my Kindle, which I take everywhere (except work) with me. I love love love to read; it's an escape to a faraway land, and when life gets tough, at least something is happy. And when life is good, well, I'm still dealing with fatigue and it's something I can do!

#18 I'm grateful for my brain. Oh, it has suffered. I've forgotten guitar songs and strums that I PAID to learn (from a teacher) and I've lost the names of artists who sing certain songs (I can always pick out Ozzy Osbourne though, and Queen and Elton John, of course) but the worst of the chronic Lyme years did a number on me. Plus, I have since learned so much medical stuff that it probably just shoved all the other nonsense out. Except it's not nonsense. I can talk about the symptoms of Babesia vs the symptoms of Bartonella and how the gut is the second brain and why we need safer vaccines as well as choice....still reading?

#19 I'm grateful for forgiveness. And resilience. And courage. We have been plummeted into a world wherein we need to practice these to come out on top. I'm grateful for family, for renewed relationships and sibling bonds. I'm grateful for milder outside temperatures and rain that comes at night. I'm grateful for the unexpected check that comes in the mail just when we most need it. I'm grateful for people who don't judge. I'm grateful for friends who want to know the real me. I'm grateful for those people who inspire me. (And M, I am going to write that book!) I'll be grateful if this post doesn't have any typos in it. Because I always seem to find one after it's published. But I forgive myself.

#20 I'm grateful for you, Dear Reader. You are here for a reason. We all are, even if we don't yet know why. Hugs. And I wish you a very happy Thanksgiving.

What are YOU grateful for this year?