Letter to my "Well" Child

My Dear Child,

I'm so sorry that your brother is sick tonight. We were lucky that he was a normal, happy, loving kid yesterday. 

You didn't have to run, crying, to Daddy just because your brother told me he wanted to hit me. You didn't realize that as he was sitting there, saying mean things, tears streamed down his face. You didn't hear me say to him that he's picked up some germs and is pandassy.

Just when you think PANDAS has gone away, it sneaks back in. Those November germs are everywhere. Those little itty-bitty, invisible specks of which nightmares are made. And then there's also mold from rain-wet leaves.  You and I, my sweetie, just get sick and we sneeze or get a fever. Your brother doesn't. He gets mean instead and says nasty, crazy things, talks about cutting his dad's hand off, tells me to "Shut up." Says horrible things that he knows will make you cry.

You know that if he ever said this when not sick, he would be in BIG trouble. He would lose electronics, could be grounded from being with friends. You know that YOU are NOT allowed to talk to me --or anyone else--like that. Ever. Even if you have a fever. Because you're not sick like your brother is and you don't talk to me like that. He only says these things when he's very sick and his own antibodies are attacking his brain in weird ways that I don't totally understand.

You tell me that the worst part is that when you talk to him a day or two later, he doesn't remember anything or says that he never said these awful statements.

It's crazy, huh? You're just a little girl who loves her brother and should never have to deal with the sudden craziness that overtakes him at times.

He is not allowed to be mean to you EVER. He has been told over and over again that he can take it out on Mommy and Daddy if he must, but never on his little sister (or the dog.) But when he's sick, he doesn't listen very well. 

I'm so sorry, sweetie. No, we're not getting your brother out of the house. He belongs to us, sick or not sick. We will get him better. You saw him take the vitamins I gave him before, to help him get through this bout of germs. He wants to get better. He wants to be a good person. We love him.

But we will keep you safe, my little girl. Physically safe. I know you'll cry. I know you're sad and you don't understand. I know you're traumatized and we're doing everything we can to take care of you too, but it will never be enough. 

Love,

Mommy

Comments

[Lori]

I am feeling your pain with my own son and younger daughter. It's so heartbreaking and challenging to manage...

[Editor]

Thank you, Lori. It is very difficult. I get excited every time I see new research! There is a way and we need to find it.