Does My Dog have PANDAS?

Inspector Clouseau: [gesturing to the hotel's dog] Does your dog bite?

German hotelier: No.

[Clouseau bends down to pet the small dog; it attacks and viciously bites him.]

Inspector Clouseau: I thought you said your dog did not bite!

German hotelier: That is not my dog.

--The Pink Panther Strikes Again

"He can't turn around on the stairs," says my daughter. "He has to stay on the left side when he goes up or down. He's got OCD."

She's talking about our dog, a happy, hoppy, hyper terrier.

Does my dog have PANDAS? Hmmm. It's been mentioned in this house once or twice each month...let's go through the symptom list.

OCD. According to my daughter, our dog's got this. For sure. If he's out, he wants to come in. If he's in, he has to be out. Drives us crazy. And then there's the stair-walking.

Rage/aggression. Try to move him off "his" place on the sofa and he gets very snarly. If he steals food from the table and you come after him, he'll growl and try to run for cover. He is defiant as anything.You must speak to him in a calm voice, give him a command he can follow, soothe his stressed out self. Only then will he try to please you again. 

ADHD. "Where's my ball? Throw my ball, throw it. Here it is again. Throw it. Again....Food? Is that food? Is that a dog barking outside? Who the hell is outside? I've got to be louder--get me to the window--dog out there! Mail carrier!...Oh, there's a squirrel, let me chase it...Ball, Ball!"

Depression. Not usually. Sometimes, in times of flares, he's the only happy family member. Only when there's an inordinate amount of PANDAS crap in the house with a raging kid and ultra-anxious family members does he react. 

Urinary incontinence. See Depression. When the crap hits the fan, he pees on the floor. 

Handwriting decline. Well, he's a dog... But he does like to chew on pens or crayons occasionally.

Math decline. NOPE. This dog can tell time! Right around 3 PM, it's FEEDING time (he won't wait till 5 PM anymore.) And when he gets up in the morning, he's got to have breakfast before he even goes outside to do his stuff. He's got one good brain in that stomach of his. (And my husband says he's stupid. Go figure.)

Gut issues. He only gets the BEST food. From USA or Canada. No table scraps. No excess gluten or dairy. He still vomits occasionally. He loves to steal sandwiches left on the table. Then he gets sick. Think activated charcoal would work on him? 

Restrictive eating. This dog will not eat eggs. This dog WILL eat apple slices. This dog will eat stolen food, peanut butter, hot dogs. This dog will eat sticks and grass. This dog no longer eats Barbie dolls.

Tics and compulsive behavior. Nope. Unless continuously licking his unmentionables counts.

We considered running the Cunningham Panel on him. His titers were OK, though. He seldom gets colds or fevers--well, never really, which is in line with our son, who is immune deficient with an autoimmune reaction to all germs. We did put this dog on a round of antibiotics to rid him of any strep he could be carrying. Of course, this upset his stomach despite the Culturelle Probiotics we gave him and he vomited. Gut issues!

Next step: Cognitive Therapy. (If he only had a brain, my husband would say.)

Stay tuned for the adventures of PANDAS Dog.