I Cheat (with Wheat) Shh!

I should be gluten free, but you know what they say about should-ing on yourself. Gluten is inflammatory and when the immune system is under attack, it's one less thing the body needs. After all, the gut is the second brain, so taking care of that gut has its rewards. Yada Yada Yada. Talk to the hand. I ate a bagel for breakfast.

White flour, cream cheese (fat!)--I know, I know, but sometimes, a girl's gotta live, ya know?

Since Friday, I have had this wonderful sense of FREEDOM. I talked briefly with the doctor who is treating me for Lyme. In the two years I've been treating (with 2 different doctors), I haven't really seen much recovery. I'm chronically fatigued, my right hip always hurts, and I've had a gamut of other symptoms that have come and gone. I told him that I felt oh-so-much-better when on Diflucan (anti-yeast/fungal.)

So, here's the plan:  get off ALL meds with regard to Lyme for a month and just treat with Diflucan. Yep, call me an experiment. First, I was nervous. I still have electric sparks going off in my legs. I still have word retrieval issues which is challenging because I'm a writer and an educator (and this is more challenging when I'm speaking.)

But, OK. The definition of craziness is doing the same thing over and over again while getting the same bad result, right? So, let's do something different. And hey, I wanted to get off some of the antibiotics that made me sun-sensitive anyway, now that it's summertime. 

So here's what I gain from this switch: I can have coffee with half-and-half for breakfast again! One mustn't take dairy with doxycycline, so, for months I said goodbye to any dairy for breakfast or dinner. Not that dairy is good for me anyway. Additionally, I can DRINK (alcohol) without counting the days since I last pulsed the antibiotic that could make me vomit if taken with alcohol. Furthermore, I no longer have to sit UP for an hour after taking my meds (as one mustn't recline after taking doxy.) I can take probiotics any time I wish, not a calculated minimum of two hours away from antibiotics. 

I feel like a NORMAL person again! Yay!

Umm...except that I do still have decades worth of Lyme in my body and a possible untreated Babesia infection. 

I wonder if now would be a good time to try one of the two homeopaths that a couple of friends rave about; both seem to involve a little bit of voodoo which makes me cringe because I'm such an unbeliever. Placebos won't work for me; I never even got essential oils to do a lot for me, but then I was always working a ton and didn't put enough energy into learning about them. (By the way, lemon oil is a wonder for zits, but since being on doxycycline, I haven't really had any zits.) We've tried homeopathy twice so far--for my son (and it didn't help, but we probably didn't give it enough time) and for my daughter (and it helped more than we realized.) That's Option #1.

Option #2 is continuing to work with my current doctor, who is not really ILADS-trained (yet?) but who does somewhat take insurance; who does not give me enough time to communicate all my issues but who does take my $30 copay and will prescribe the meds I need; who is not up on all aspects of the multi-systemic side of Lyme Disease but who does take my $30 copay.

Option #3 is finding about $4,000 and going to see one of the top Lyme doctors in the country. Considering that we owe our credit card companies (plural!) more than ten times that amount already for the medical care of our kids, it's not very likely to happen.

Option #4 remains open to suggestions. 

When it comes to my children, I must always have a plan and an alternate plan. Of course, my son is much sicker than I have been, and he needs the best medical care possible. My daughter also needs the best so that she can be the happy, sassy kid she's supposed to be. My husband and I don't shirk from doing everything that we possibly can for them, but for ourselves, we do take shortcuts. Many shortcuts.

Doesn't it seem crazy that we're all sick in my family? Why does Lyme seems to run in families anyway? In our case, it was probably congenital, passed through the placenta during pregnancy. It also can be transmitted in breastmilk (and I nursed), and recent studies have shown that it can be sexually transmitted as well. So, there's an entire portion of our world in which the entire family is ill. Outsiders question that: How can everyone in one family have Lyme Disease? Isn't that unusual? Not at all, not at all. Unfortunately.

But--put the rest of the world on HALT for a second--on the positive side, if I'm taking Diflucan (after confirming that my liver is functioning well,) I have about 28 days left of fewer sugar cravings, more energy, and more clear-headedness. One month to see if my bicycling speed and mileage picks up, and if this change does make a difference. And if it does? What does that mean?

I will, however, keep to my typical gluten-free eating. I might have a bagel once in a while, but in general, I'm pretty fastidious about not having gluten. I need to take care of my second brain--the gut--so that the first one will actually do some thinking about this dilemma I'm in. I believe my own case of Lyme was lingering and became obvious after being triggered by long-term post-traumatic stress suffered with my son being so ill. He's not yet free of Lyme and neither is the rest of the family. Stress exists. Therefore, so does my Lyme. A mom is only as happy as her least happy child, they say. 

He's happy this morning for a couple of hours; friends slept over and they ate...bagels! I'm going to walk off my bagel and cream cheese with a friend and our dogs under beautiful deep blue skies and sunshine. For this moment, life is more than OK. Until his friends go home. But feeling normal feels wonderful for today and I won't let anything take that away.